The Art of Letting Go

Share some wins and losses from the week.

What do you call ringing someone’s doorbell and running away?

Despite living in the freest country at the freest time in history, we often feel stuck. This stuckness invades every part of our lives, from relationships to careers to diets to spiritual journals. Like Jonah, sometimes we just can’t get past the past and move on. We’re stuck holding on to something we should just let go of. But letting go isn’t easy.

There is a reason we’re holding on to hurt, hang-ups, and habits. Until we deal with the underlying issues, we’ll never move forward.

This week, we examined our hurts—those wounds from the past that have kept us stuck in the past. Most of us are pretty good at moving on, but occasionally, we get wronged in a way that sticks around, and forgiveness seems impossible.

Many people are reluctant to forgive because they have a misunderstanding about forgiveness and how it works. These misunderstandings keep them from finding the freedom they deserve from their past hurts.

After all, letting go, like forgiveness, is all about freedom.

Sermon Recap:
What forgiveness is not:

• Excusing the wrong
• Reconciliation
• Abandoning the quest for justice/ fairness
• Returning to the abuse

What forgiveness is:
Forgiveness is offering mercy towards those who acted unjustly so that you can return to the economy of grace.

Journey of forgiveness:

• Calculate the Ache – we can only forgive once we know the cost
• Cancel the Debt – make the brave decision to forgive
• Commit to Freedom – forgiveness is instantaneous, but living the reality takes time. Your commitment is to yourself and God, not the offender.

Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? (18:21).Forgiveness in the Old Testament came from the God of grace, who instituted sacrifices that gave benefit only because he had given the means of making atonement through the shedding of blood (Lev. 17:11). But the same God of grace “does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation” (Ex. 34:6–7). Judaism recognized that repeat offenders might not be repenting at all and drew the line at how many times a person could seek restoration and forgiveness: “If a man commits a transgression, the first, second and third time he is forgiven, the fourth time he is not” (b. Yoma 86b, 87a). Another case is even less forgiving: “If a man said, ‘I will sin and repent, and sin again and repent,’ he will be given no chance to repent … for transgressions that are between a man and his fellow the Day of Atonement effects atonement only if he has appeased his fellow” (m. Yoma 8:9). Peter’s offer to forgive a person seven times is magnanimous, reflecting a desire for completeness that the number seven usually evokes. But he wonders where the limit should be drawn on his generosity of spirit.

I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (18:22). Whether one reads “seventy-seven times,” which is the same wording found in the lxx of Genesis 4:24, or the less likely “seventy times seven,” the meaning is that the number doesn’t matter.

The master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt (18:25). Debtors were often forced to sell their children as slaves, or their children were seized as slaves by the creditor (cf. 1 Kings 4:1; Neh. 5:4–8). A Hebrew slave had to work for six years as an attempt to recoup the loss. Debtor’s slavery was designed as much for punishment as for rerepayment. The rabbinic tradition forbad selling a woman into slavery (e.g., m. Soṭah 3.8), but the situation of the parable may assume a pagan king, who would have ignored these kinds of sensitivities.

This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart (18:35). “Mercy” is not giving to a person what he deserves, while “grace” is giving to a person what he doesn’tdeserve. A person who has truly experienced the mercy and grace of God by responding to the presence of the kingdom of God will be transformed into Jesus’ disciple, which, in a most fundamental way, means to experience a transformed heart that produces a changed life of mercy and grace (cf. Isa. 40:2).

Copied from Zondervan Illustrated Bible Backgrounds Commentary

Have someone read the passage aloud while everyone sits and listens.

Ask each person to share a word or phrase that caught their attention. Don’t offer commentary but notice people who have the same word.

Have everyone read the passage themselves. Give them 2-3 extra minutes to ponder the passage. We’re cultivating a sense of listening to God. There is no need to rush this but be mindful of those who finish early.

²¹ Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. ^l

²³ “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴ As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. ²⁵ Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

²⁶ “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ ²⁷ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

²⁸ “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

²⁹ “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

³⁰ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. ³¹ When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

³² “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. ³³ Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ ³⁴ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

³⁵ “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

How do you think forgiveness contributes to a life of shalom?

Can you share a time when you struggled to forgive someone? What made it difficult for you?

How do cultural or societal influences impact our understanding and practice of forgiveness?

Have you encountered any misconceptions about forgiveness? How do you address them?

Can you describe a situation where you were forgiven by someone else? How did it make you feel, and what did you learn from the experience?

How do you maintain boundaries while still forgiving someone who has wronged you?